My heart feels mellow at this point,
Like a mixture of sorrow and immense joy with anxiety and anticipation,
Something close to a feeling that anytime now I will meet the man of my dreams… no, the man of my prayers
Then I’ll say goodbye to my freedom, I’ll say goodbye to my loneliness that kept me company for so long, the loneliness without whom I would not have known freedom, I would not have known the pleasure of celebrating my joy and the strength of comforting myself, feeding on the saltiness of my tears
It feels like a good day to fall in love.
Thank you, singlehood. You teach me how to be a complete person; you teach me how to put myself together, how to face my battles alone and how to share my dreams with myself, because I know myself best. To be honest, at times I wish I didn’t have you – your quieting presence can be lonesome.
I have these dreams and see my prince in others whom I encounter. I wish to get a combination of all the traits I see in each of them culminated in him. Each day I see some new characteristic, and add it to the already existing model of him. I see wedding pictures and I see myself as the bride, and my model as my groom. I change a few things here and there – the color schemes, the bridesmaid designs, the venue… but my dream remains, I am the bride and he is my groom, whoever he is…
I promise, when I find you, I will love you, I will love you, but I still want to be free, free to cry to myself first before I come to you. I want to be allowed to take comfort in me before you. Maybe I’m too used to me: alone, single and ‘loving it’. No, I don’t actually love it. I just say that to hide the singleness. I want to share my love, really I do…
I will be with you, but I still want to be single: together but single. I taught myself to laugh, I taught myself to love me, I taught myself to compliment me , to take me for dinner, to take me to the movies, I taught myself to love me, but I am still in need, in need of you, my love… where are you? I have to be patient, or I will not meet you. When you find me, love me, love me as much as I will love you, love me as if you have been looking for me all your life, and you have finally found me. I promise you one thing: I will love you.
It feels like a good day to fall in love.
By Linda Muthuri. A WYA member and intern at the WYA Africa office
